I was in Walmart recently as they were filling the shelves with the annual back-to-school supplies. It’s 2020, and a new school year is starting. Or is it? Are they teaching in the classroom, or is the education they offer online? Or, are you faced with the option to choose? If you’re like most parents looking to their school board for guidance, you are still in uncharted and uncertain territory.
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I don’t know if you realize it, but the WWW in front of every web address stands for World Wide Web. Of course you do, but have you ever thought about the fact that it really is a web? Like the one woven by some unseen creature deviously setting a snare to catch an unsuspecting prey? I recently watched as a small lizard did his best to free himself from the threads created by a minuscule spider that was holding him hostage. Even though this creature was 1,000% larger than his captor, it seemed to be an impossible task (I did free him; I couldn’t continue to watch the struggle). This is particularly true in the world of social media.
Not sure about you, but there are some days I find myself entrapped by a simple sentence that creates an emotional response within me to which I feel an immediate need to react. I am completely entangled in this web, and when I even think about struggling to get out of it I’m quickly caught up in one more article or another person’s opinion. I find myself staring at a screen, wanting to punch the keys in a frustrated response! Or, I am completely appalled at the arguments going on within the community of faith to which I belong. You see, I have a geographically diverse group of friends, who share my faith, residing in every culture, denomination, and political and social spectrum. You can bring up any subject and I can easily point toward individuals who stand firmly in one camp then scroll to those who are diametrically opposed.
Not only are these people my friends on Facebook, but many are friends with whom I have shared segments of life. We have walked together through good and bad times, shared adventures, and often worked in collaboration as followers of Christ. But the reality is that we are more than a faith community; we are also family. “So now you Gentiles are no longer strangers and foreigners. You are citizens along with all of God’s holy people. You are members of God’s family” (Ephesians 2:19, NLT).
We didn’t choose to be related to the other folks in God’s family, just like we didn’t choose many of our own biological relatives. We were spiritually born into it. Like any other family, we are a diverse lot. There are the prim and proper ones, the gregarious, the dysfunctional, the wild siblings, sweet aunts, crazy uncles, disruptive children, and tenderhearted grandmas.
But the reality is that we are more than a faith community; we are also family.
Within our faith family we have those relatives who think they have it all figured out and spout their opinion loudly at any family function. There are those who feel simply lost in the mess, not willing to venture into an argument and simply trying to keep peace in the ranks. Then there are members who heard someone say something they simply must repeat, whether they have any true understanding of the subject or not. There’s also the family members who may be tenuous in their opinions but want to argue just because it suits them. When any of this bantering and bickering goes on in a family, it can get pretty ugly. But the head of this particular family tells us, in no uncertain terms, that this not the way his children should act.
“Again I say, don’t get involved in foolish, ignorant arguments that only start fights. A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people” (2 Timothy 2:23-24).
Even when the “discussion” has merit (and many do), I wonder if one-liners (or 8 sentences) in social media really give us the opportunity to be kind, teach, or show patience. It also very rarely offers the chance to hear another’s perspective well, if at all. There is this strange reality in families we often overlook—when in a debate we must be honest enough to admit the other side almost always has merit! That merit requires acknowledgement as well understanding.
I have also come to believe that in the majority of disagreements within the faith family, there are not just two sides to an argument. Each side has it’s own perspective, life history, and information base from which they draw their views. But in truth, there are three sides. There is mine, there is the party I am arguing with, and there is God’s. This may come as a revelation, but only one of those sides is entirely right. It is not mine nor is it theirs. It belongs to the singularly perfect individual within the discussion, God.
Instead of spending so much energy on the ongoing arguments we engage in, I think we should step back. Especially if we hope to adequately represent the only perfect opinion in every debatable subject. It’s my hope and God’s desire that together, as this unique family, we can do so because we love one another based upon the love offered to us. That we can find it within ourselves to offer grace to one another. We are tasked to draw from the same well of unlimited grace that is offered to us daily. No matter what we say Jesus would never unfriend us even if our conduct deserved it, the grace he offers would not be withheld. But he might want to place our rantings into private mode.
The most profound demonstration of active grace is the tempering of our words. When and if we respond, may we do so in a manner that reflects the faith we proclaim. Let us take the words that the Apostle Paul wrote in Ephesians 4:29 to heart: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
The most profound demonstration of active grace is the tempering of our words.
At the end of the day, do I really need to allow myself to be ensnared in this web of discourse between my faith family members? It is so tempting sometimes, surely they need a good dose of “what are you thinking?” But they don’t. Not in this format. Not when I don’t have the opportunity to really understand their heart and life experiences that have led to their opinions which are different than mine. I really don’t need to pound that keyboard in frustration. Instead, I need to remember these words, “Respect everyone, and love the family of believers” (1 Peter 2:17).
It’s our responsibility to love one another and to create unity in this wonderfully diverse bunch because we really have more important things to spend our energy on. Like those who have yet to join this delightfully challenging family whose true common denominator is the acceptance of grace from a loving God.
Who would want to join a family that spends every major event, family gathering, or mere dialogue online bickering anyway? I surely wouldn’t. But when we take it upon ourselves to stop this public arguing, it gives us the opportunity to look and act like we are supposed to look and act. “By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:35, NKJV).
If we are going to be ensnared by any web, may it be one that draws us back to one another, a family of faith who daily displays the love of the One who loved us first. No matter how much we may disagree.
I know that a woman of faith probably shouldn’t admit she thinks any book of the Bible is depressing, but there is one that I truly believe is! I realize there are some pretty troubling stories and incredibly sad scenarios written in God’s Word, but before you get all weird on me, thinking I am speaking badly about the Bible, hear me out. I find it easy to believe that God would agree the stories are both troubling and sad. Much of what is written reveals our human failure and our pursuit of selfishness and sin. These words also reveal God’s righteous intervention as He offers His mercy and grace with the goal of trying to rescue us from ourselves.
It is when I read the book of Ecclesiastes that I find myself uttering a huge sigh and often resist the urge to just pound my head against the wall. I mean, really, life is meaningless? Yes, in case you haven’t read Ecclesiastes, that’s what King Solomon shares.
This man lived the most elaborate life: possessing wealth untold, wisdom more than any other, challenges from enemies, and way too many wives. And what was the final musing of this king? That there truly is a lot of meaninglessness in this world.
I have awakened many days wondering if what I am doing has any value and whether I am accomplishing anything of purpose…so the statement does have value. But to write life off as completely meaningless—I certainly can’t!
As you read further in the text and elsewhere throughout the Bible, you discover an enormous amount of hope and meaning to be found in each day. The last chapter of Ecclesiastes speaks of what we are to do when we’re young: love God and follow Him so that we have no regrets when we are old. We can indeed find purpose in the mundane parts of life, and loving God is our starting point.
When asked “which is the greatest commandment?” Jesus’ reply took this concept even further. “Jesus said to him, ‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself’” (Matt 22:37-38).
Finding your ultimate purpose begins with loving God. This is not a demand; it is an invitation. But an invitation to what? To recognize our need for Him and realize the chasm that separates us from God, and to understand the sacrifice made by the same Jesus who elaborated on our loving relationships. Then, finally, to accept the love from the only one who offers it perfectly and extends ours in return.
It is a generous offer from a personal God who knows us completely. He alone knows who we are in our heart of hearts, our strengths, our weaknesses, and the talents and abilities we possess. He also knows the paths that will bring us fulfillment. He will walk with us as we discover our ability to accomplish things we never thought possible, delighting with us when we do.
The second part of Jesus’ reply was that we love our neighbors as ourselves. This one is a two-parter. We often say that we must love others, and that is true, but to do it well, we must love ourselves first. This is not a request to look in the mirror and declare out loud “you are one fine woman,” although we may need to do that, especially on tough days. This is an invitation to understand we are special, unique, have a place in this world that is solely ours, and within us is all that we need to fulfill it. We have worth and are here to fulfill a purpose.
That understanding gives us the ability to look at those around us through the same lens, recognizing their worth and unique place within the family of God. When you have just a little time, read 1 Corinthians 12:12-26. You will find an analogy that uses the parts of the body to speak of believers and their diversity and how they make up the body of Christ. Not only does it speak of their diversity, but their equality of importance, their protectiveness of one another, and their acts of love toward one another. When one is hurting, all suffer with that one. When one is honored, all rejoice together.
We have worth and are here to fulfill a purpose.
As our purpose unfolds when we choose to love God, it naturally transforms into the ability to love others—which is a real display of finding our purpose. I truly love Matthew 25:34-40, which reminds us of some of the simplest ways we can care for others. A portion of which says this, “For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me” (NLT).
So, it is true that life can be meaningless, but it need not be so. There is purpose to be found in our faith—a purpose built in love. It is ours to love God and love others. Can you even imagine how this world would be transformed if we individually embraced this as our purpose? If each of us who claim this faith were to love in the manner that we are loved? If our hearts were completely given to the God we love, following His example as He walked this earth? If we fed the hungry, took in the stranger, clothed the poor, cared for the sick, and visited the prisoners? If we put aside our differences and focused on what joins us together, following the real purpose in our faith—to love and love well?
Let’s share this purpose with those around us, encouraging others by our sincere actions. I am confident not only that we can, but that in many places we already are. As Paul wrote to the church in Thessalonica, I would write the same to you, “So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing” (1 Thessalonians 5:11, NLT).
So know this: life is not meaningless. Our faith reveals that there is great and rich meaning. One easily acted upon and recognizable by all: to love. And, my friends, to do it with all our hearts.
I ran out my front door late for an appointment, having grabbed everything I thought I would need. Behind me, before the door slammed, I heard my husband’s voice … “I know you’re late but don’t speed!” He knows me pretty well and it was an appropriate statement to make as I jumped into my car, putting it into drive and hitting the accelerator. The other thing he knows is that I don’t often heed warnings.
This was one of those days … 15 minutes into my drive I looked at the oncoming traffic and saw the quick turn on of flashing lights. I dropped my eyes to the speedometer; I was the one speeding and not just a little bit. In my rearview mirror I saw the state trooper make a U-turn. My heart sank as I pulled to the curb.
Before the officer arrived at my driver’s side window, I texted my husband, ”Just got pulled over…” A spineless way to confess, but what could I say? I had just done exactly what the man who knows me best warned me against. I certainly wanted to break the news before I landed back on our doorstep. He learned years ago that when I enter the house with a “do you love me” there is always some bad news that follows … I just thought maybe I’d change it up.
The ticket was given. My punishment ended in a huge fine and a 4-hour driving class where I was one of the only adults in a room filled with college students—the only way to gain grace by way of no points on my record.
I kicked myself for weeks. The fact that the class was college heavy reminded me that I’m a little bit old for this kind of nonsense. Not to mention the fact that I didn’t heed the person who knows my shortcomings and who every day, when needed, kindly reminds me and loves me anyway? What was I thinking?
Taking the earplugs out, the blinders off, and listening to those who have our best interest at heart is something that seems so hard to do, but it also helps us avoid the stuff we just don’t want to step into. Do you have someone who loves you telling you that the guy you’re dating is trouble? Why do we think they just don’t know what they’re talking about?
Is your two-year-old out of control, and your mom is reminding you that that child will one day be 16? Better get a handle on it now. The thought of a defiant 16-year-old should be enough to strike fear into any mother’s heart. Are you on a dead end road in your career? Is a loved one encouraging you that you can do more, you can do better? If they know you so well, maybe they are right! Don’t shrug off the simple encouragements that come from those who love you.
Maybe you’re hearing, “Have you been taking care of yourself when you are working such long hours?” Or, “Are you giving enough time to the important things: your faith, your family, and your friends?” Maybe even, “No, that dress isn’t that great. Try another one on.”
Don’t shrug off the simple encouragements that come from those who love you.
Identify those in your life who you trust—those that have only your best interest at heart—then listen. If I had I would have saved a bunch of money, regained four hours of my life, and simply not had the privilege of meeting the kind, but stern State Trooper. I would not have had to send that text to my husband and come back home, admitting once again that I didn’t listen to the one who knows me best.
I’m not going to do that again any time soon.
Almost every little girl sings the songs from Disney movies. Many have worn their princess gowns to Wal-Mart and even taken spoons from the table to create their own dancing silverware to many of the Disney ditties. You were probably one of those little girls doing the exact same thing to your place setting.
Yet today, that same entity, Disney, who has brought much delight to many children, has also chosen to introduce cultural shifts that you may or may not agree with into their story lines. As mothers, we have to acknowledge the changes in our society and educate our children. This is a parent’s responsibility, not an entertainment entity’s.
Unfortunately, Disney has joined those in the entertainment world who think their job is something more than to entertain. In an episode of “Star vs. The Forces of Evil,” a cartoon broadcast on Disney XD, they have introduced a same sex kiss. In the newest version of Beauty and the Beast, Disney has chosen to alter a timeless storyline, and now LeFou, the villain and Gaston’s silly sidekick, is exploring his sexuality.
It leaves a mother wondering: First, why is this necessary within an industry targeted to an audience of children? Next, what do I do? Let me start by apologizing on behalf of the powers that should be apologizing, because this is simply adding a layer to your work as moms (like you need that). But, you’re a strong, determined lady, and I am completely confident you can tackle this challenge as well.
1. Be informed.
A clueless mom is a dangerous mom. I know most mothers today are greatly concerned with the food their child eats and avoid medication unless it’s absolutely necessary. I would argue that what is consumed by your child’s heart and mind is much more destructive than a McDonald’s happy meal (which I would argue is perfectly ok—just not every day!) So be as tuned in to the input your child is receiving from the entertainment industry, video games, and even from education. Then you be the one who decides what they will consume.
This is a parent’s responsibility, not an entertainment entity’s
2. Offer alternatives.
There are plenty of great options from the entertainment media that inspire creativity and bring delight to the heart; go to those. But what about books, crafts, sports, bike riding, sidewalk chalk, and nature hikes? The unplugged discovery found in daily life serves to expand their creativity and interests, fine-tune their abilities, and often serves to create family memories much larger than a movie screen.
3. Prepare as well as protect.
Your child is indeed growing up in these times, with the influencers setting their agenda. You cannot protect them from the reality of the world in which they live. But what you can do is prepare them. It is not enough to stand for what you believe is right and in the best interest of your child without being prepared to explain why. It cannot be an emotional discussion, nor can it be had any sooner than your child’s maturity is set to handle the conversation. Do so objectively, with research, facts, honesty, and compassion. But have it you must.
I’d argue what is consumed by your child’s heart & mind is more destructive than a happy meal
4. Always show grace.
When you disagree with the cultural or moral view of others, it should never be done so with condemnation or anger. Quite the contrary, everything we teach our children should be taught with grace. With mercy, understanding, and the realization that every one of us has been shown grace upon grace. To extend it to those we may not agree with should be the beginning and ending point of every conversation we have with our children.
So, moms, this is just one more job you must take on in order to get your kids where you want them to go. Though I have had many successful careers in my life, working outside of the home the entire time my daughters were growing up, I can tell you this: the most important, rewarding job I ever had was being their mother—even on the hard days. So take the challenge; you can do it! And I can assure you that when your child heads out on their own, you will be so glad you did.
